The Lost Blogs Page 10

In preparation of continuing the documentation of counting up from 14,379—I have made the Ladies of Wilt Picture Gallery for you to look at. Head on inside and take a look at ladies 1 (aah, the memories) all the way to 14,379! It’s like watching history unfold right before your eyes through my eyes!!

  In an attempt to continue counting up, I plan on visiting the following locations this week:

  The Free Clinic

  The Bus Stop

  The Alleyway Behind the Arby’s

  A Crosswalk

  Under the Stairwell at PS 122

  The Return Line at Sears

  Dental Convention

  Condiment Aisle in Supermarket (in front of the pickles)

  A Random Neighborhood Picked off a Map

  If all goes down how I think it will, I’ll see you back here next week with new photographs and stories of number 14,380 through 388!

  From: http://www.earlofsandwich.com/~johnmontagu/blog

  Subject: Cleanliness Leads to Godliness

  Grandfather Edward, the 3rd Earl of Sandwich, made it clear to me from the moment whilst I was a small child that cleanliness was key when representing the earldom. With cleanliness comes godliness and respect and honour and position. My habits, which some find repetitive, which may include cleaning beneath my nails and within my hands sometimes ten times a day, have caused me to rise through the ranks and garner respect from others in the House of Lords.

  Last night marked the culmination of such respect, when I was appointed as the First Lord of the Admiralty by the King of England! Indeed, a raucous celebration replete with meat and cheese and wine took up most of the evening.

  Of course, as the guest of honor, my place was at the head of the table, with no opportunity to leave at any point. Yet, there before me on my place setting, I spied large cuts of beef and cheese ready for the eating! But alas, no cloth in which to wipe my hands, or clean my fingers. I had previously shaken the hands of almost twenty men… their hands could have been absolutely anywhere! (I gasp just thinking about such horrors.)

  In my attempts to guard my food from the horrific dirt that had since been transferred to the palm of my hand (no thanks to the others), I slid such delicacies upon a slice of bread, giving me an edible platter, if you may, from which to consume the bountiful meal. Yet, of course, balancing such meats atop a flimsy piece of bread was complicated and quickly made me the center of attention. But as the new Lord of the Admiralty, I acted fast, sliding a second piece of bread on top—giving my hands something to grasp upon. Needless to say, the room applauded in excitement as others began to follow my lead in eating this brand-new concoction I had thought up in the heat of the moment!

  Many throughout the evening made mention of the new creation, one that stemmed out of an aspiration for cleanliness—and in an attempt to keep such a creation connected to the family name I immediately came up with a rough list of names for the meat and bread meal.

  They include: “squishbread,” “lotsa meat ’n’ cheese,” “breadiness,” “che-meatatain,” “the Monta-googoo,” “grabbahand,” “John’s ultimate creation,” “two-sliced goodness oh yeah,” “che-meat-again” and my absolute favorite—“The Be-Holden.”

  I spent a little time taking a poll around the room, but tried not to overshadow the real reason behind everyone’s attendance—my new title! In fact, after some time of trying to fully sell “the Monta-googoo,” I settled back into the professional persona that the Lord of the Admiralty must exude and I figure that such a creation will end up with a name that I’m sure I won’t find silly, annoying or just plain egocentric!

  From: http://www.noah.com/blog

  Subject: Wanted!

  I’m currently looking to you for help in a very unique matter.

  I am in desperate need to find and obtain any or all of the following animals:

  Cow (male and female)

  Platypus (male only)

  Horse (female only)

  Elephant (male and female, gentle temperaments)

  Giraffe (female only)

  Tiger (male and female, babies preferred)

  Octopus (if you can tell me how to figure out if they’re male or female, I’d be extremely indebted to you)

  Porcupine (male only)

  Spiders (any and all)

  Hippopotamus (male only)

  Cobra snake (male or female, please deliver in enclosed box for safe transport)

  Dolphin (male or female)

  Owl (male only)

  Kangaroo (male or female)

  Bluebird (male only)

  Frog (female only, nonslimy species)

  I am willing to pick up any or all of the above animals no matter the distance. Please contact me if you have any available for this very unique matter in which I am currently involved.

  I have been authorized to compensate those who can help me in this matter in a variety of ways which I would be happy to discuss, assuming you do indeed possess any or all of the above of God’s wonderful creatures.

  Blessings to any and all who read this.

  If you have arrived here by way of Lamech’s list where I have also listed what I’m looking to obtain, thank you for connecting through. If you would be so kind as to spread the word as quickly as possible, it would be greatly appreciated!

  From: http://www.james_naismith.com/blog/

  Subject: Wintertime Boredom

  Brrrrr! It’s cold!

  Springfield, Massachusetts, is, of course, always cold this time of year, but the physical education classes I teach here at the YMCA International Training School are so-called “injured” when the weather turns this time of year. We obviously can’t participate in team sports or events outside, and so we’re stuck inside. A unique challenge was issued to me, to find something athletic for my students to do inside during this time of the year.

  I’m proud to say, I think I’ve got a wonderful idea!

  You remember when I wrote about Duck-on-a-Rock? I used to play it as a kid in Canada… You can read more about it here… But it got me to thinking that maybe, just maybe, there was a way to create a game for two teams, that involves a ball of some kind, on an indoor court.

  With Duck-on-a-Rock, you’d put a baseball in a circle on the ground while others tried to knock that ball out by getting one of their own into the circle. Well, that got me to thinking about just trying to get a ball in a circle, or hoop. And that got me to thinking about putting some kind of hook or basket up really high. To add to the challenge!

  And thus, Naismith’s Basketball game was born!!

  So far, other than having to get the ball in the basket and each team being comprised of nine players, I’m still working on a variety of rules and whatnot. Some of the rules I’m toying with include the following:

  After making a basket, you must hop on one foot back to your team’s side.

  If you grab on to the basket you are immediately ejected from the game.

  If you attempt to throw the ball into the basket and someone gets in your way or knocks the ball out of your hand, you get a do-over.

  One player will be blindfolded on each team, to add to the challenge of the game.

  If between the time a ball leaves a player’s hands and goes into the basket, all players of the other team yell (in unison) “basket-basket-basketball, if it goes up, then it must fall, hoo-hah, hoo-hah, hoo-hah,” then the basket (no matter if it goes in or not) does not count.

  These are, of course, just some rules that are in the works. I’m not quite sure about the hopping thing (although it would add to the visual humor of the game), but I’m pretty sure that #5 would be a great way to level the playing field between teams that are extremely athletically talented and those who are just good at chanting rhyming phrases in unison.

  As I continue to develop the rules for the game, I’ll be posting them here for your input and thoughts.

  In the meantime, visit the YMCA’s Official Site and my Duck-on-a-Rock Fan Site where you can view pictures of the g
ame as it happens!

  More to come.

  From: http://www.franksinatra.com/blog/

  Subject: This Week’s Meme

  Sammy’s gone all crazy this week with the damn meme thing—you know the drill, he throws out some kinda question then all of us here on the Rat Pack Webring gotta answer in our own words. You get me? That’s the meme—one question asked to many, who all respond with their own damn answers.

  This week, Sammy’s all stuck on music (what do you expect with that guy?) and throws out the meme—“Name the 10 songs you’re currently groovin’ to!” The guy rambles on about other stuff and if you wanna read the post you can check it out on his blog.

  As for me—here’s my damn answers, Sammy, now leave me the hell alone.

  10 Songs I’m Currently Listening To

  My Way

  Lady is a Tramp

  I’ve Got You Under My Skin

  New York, New York

  Night and Day

  The Way You Look Tonight

  Send in the Clowns

  Love and Marriage

  Fly Me to the Moon

  It Was a Very Good Year

  Done.

  From: http://www.robert_atkins.com/blog/

  Subject: The New Diet Revolution

  As I’ve alluded to in the past, I have been working long and hard on what I believe to be the next revolution in dieting and healthy eating. Doctors around the world all have their beliefs, their food pyramids and quick fixes that one “should incorporate into their lives” to reach the epitome of healthfulness.

  The 1960s, of course, have found Americans in a precarious situation with the lines of communication continuing to confuse and misdirect when it comes to a healthful eating plan. What I am about to present to you will revolutionize healthful eating and will, I believe, give Americans (once and for all) the be-all and end-all of successful dieting techniques.

  I call it The Atkins Bread Diet.

  Let’s face it. Americans love their carbohydrates. Breads, pastas, cereals, whole grains, potatoes, et cetera. But in eating all these things at once, we cause an excessive secretion of insulin in our systems. This is because we are eating many many different kinds of white flours and carbohydrates. But The Atkins Bread Diet removes all those other errant carb-heavy foods and simplifies it for Americans with an easy-to-follow diet that isn’t confusing, is pleasant to be on, and results in a slim and healthy figure.

  How does it work? I’m sure you’re asking yourself.

  You eat bread. Any and all kinds of bread. All the time. For breakfast, a few slices of toast, with a sourdough roll on the side. For lunch, garlic bread, bread sticks, sandwiches (without anything in the middle of course). Snacks in the afternoon (to curb your appetite) can include anything from the Atkins special list of bread products—everything from crackers to pizza crusts to sticky buns and French toast. As for dinner—something sensible. Perhaps a croissant or a bagel.

  The key is this: no protein, no sugar, nothing other than bread.

  If you want to eat sixteen loaves of bread for dinner… do it! If you want to eat a thousand crackers, have fun! If you want to eat sixteen hundred bagels, have your way with them.

  In the end, I believe—if all you eat is bread, you’ll be trim and slim and notice a sudden increase in energy.

  The Atkins Bread Diet is the revolutionary diet for a new generation and you can order a more detailed pamphlet on the diet by clicking here. A sample eating plan can be viewed here.

  Sure, I have ideas for other diets—but I think this one has the true potential to really change the way we think about eating! I’m sure it will do the same for you, too!

  From: http://www.blogs.fr/~marie_antoinette/

  Subject: Royal Appearances #43

  I am quite certain that the recent sightings of the royals far exceeds the previous week’s events! It is, to say the least, quite enlightening!

  It’s no surprise that Louis XVI was spotted being fitted for a brand-new crown this week in Paris and I was there to witness it all. Although the previous one, bejeweled and affixed with some of the most costly accoutrements ever, it has been rumored that XVI was heard to say, “Is this all?” Apparently, some Kings prefer their heads to be weighted down with the fortunes of a thousand kingdoms so that fatigue far outweighs their desire for physical intimacy with their Queens!

  Fashion designer Rose Bertin was seen visiting the exclusive château, La Petit Trianon, mere days ago—rumors have it that she’s designing an elegant gown for none other than, well… Queen Marie Antoinette. Although details have yet to be revealed as for what event such a stunning gown should be created, murmurs point to a special Parisian opera ball, mere days away.

  Rumors are swirling around royal palaces here in France that Louis XVI may very well consider appointing the duc de Guines as France’s ambassador to England. While it is no surprise that Guines happens to be close acquaintances with none other than me, it is apparent that yours truly has no influence in this matter. For Guines, who would make a magnificent ambassador, we here at Marie Antoinette’s Royal Appearances suspect that the deed may be done before you’ve finished reading these writings!

  Short takes: Madame Campan, this week, joins the Queen’s staff as one of her ladies-in-waiting. Artois visits the Paris Opera in disguise! Thérèse de Lamballe is being considered for the Superintendent of the Queen’s Household! Gambling at Versailles was a certain Queen who was said to have walked away with a huge fortune (but we won’t say just who it was for fear of angering the peasants)! Emperor Joseph II is seen in a serious discussion with none other than Louis XVI—what’s that all about!?

  As always, the daily gossip and scandals will appear as they happen here on Marie Antoinette’s Royal Appearances Weblog for your entertainment and informational purposes only.

  As gossip is never completely reliable, please do not hold me responsible for anything you read here, as the details may not be fully legitimate.

  Spotted a royal doing something strange? Something illegal? Something lascivious? Send your tips to tips@royalappearances.fr! Anonymity will be preserved!

  From: http://www.pavlov.com/

  From: http://www.ian_fleming.com/blog/

  Subject: New Jobs, New Opportunities

  Indeed, I’ve received quite a handful of ribbings as of late, for my lack of prolific writing here on this digital space. Rightfully so, such ribbings could never take into consideration my current status as a stockbroker at Rowe and Pitman here in Bishopsgate. A status of which I am none too pleased.

  Of course, the reason for my writing today is to inform my readers that a change is on its way. Yes, you have probably noticed that I took my CV down off this site (that link is now inoperable) due to the fact that I have been offered a position working as the personal assistant to John Godfrey—the Director of Naval Intelligence of the Royal Navy.

  What does such a position mean for yours truly?

  Above all, it means that finally my studies at the Sandhurst military academy will come into play, and that I will have to relocate for the position. The animals of the house will be less than pleased with the change of scenery.

  My miniature poodle, “Dr. No”—whom I named after my physician who refused to prescribe medication for my headaches (and which I previously wrote about here) —is still as stubborn as always, and will most likely refuse to even leave this place behind. As for “Moneypenny,” my cockatiel (whom you remember I won in a night of gambling from an individual who was short, by one single pound) should have no problem, as her cage is all that matters to her. My rat with the single miscolored digit, “Goldfinger,” well… as long as there’s cheese he’s up for the lot of it all.

  But alas, the calico kitten that goes by the name of “Bonda” (after the South Indian snack made of deep-fried potatoes) will be the easiest of them all, as he is always able to fit in, in any foreign situations. I must say, I sometimes wish I had the ability to blend like little Bonda does. He is ju
st the smoothest of all the Fleming family members.

  I do have a good feeling about the relocation and the new position, however—it will give me a great opportunity in which to learn more about the politics behind such a governmental organization… It fascinates me… mostly because I’m quite sure there are stories worth telling whose inspiration lies in a real-world environment such as that.

  As always, you can keep in touch with me by sending correspondence here. I will not abandon you, that is for sure—but it may be some time before I can write again.

  From: http://www.13colonies.com/~samuel_adams/

  Subject: Failing Old Samuel

  Those who follow these trivial matters may recall the dark times that befell the Adams family in 1748— upon which my father and the patriarch of the Adams family, Old Samuel Adams, allowed death to do him in. Family responsibility stepped in, and yours truly took over the reins of the family brewery.

  I fear as though all my hard work has now been for naught—as our brewery, that which I have attempted to draw success to, looks to be on its final legs. And so, here I sit, preparing to shut down that which brought Old Samuel such joy, sixteen years after his passing.

  What follows such a low moment? I have wondered. Some suggest that an education from Harvard College should leave me in the best of situations. That while a brewery might have been a possible pathway in life, that a new direction is not wholly strange or inappropriate. It is thoughts and suggestions like these that direct me toward politics, where I believe a difference can fully be made—especially when such a difference can be made in response to the harmful legislature being levied by the supreme magistrate.

  Then again, my instincts go back to that of the brewery. Many suggest that our family was never meant to run a successful brewery… That lager and ale had no place alongside the Adams name… That politics and government and education were our destiny.