The Lost Blogs Read online

  Social engagements and Sunday tea. These are the things that I find myself longing for. The simplicity of life without complication. The pure paradise of living a life where you are safe, taken care of and satisfied. This is what Mother and Father will provide for me and sister—and these are the images that I hold close as the events of yesterday still cloud my mind.

  I shiver with horror. Blood. There can be nothing less appealing than that!

  Sister, of course, has already begun talking about yesterday’s events on her own journal, where she revels in the events by providing sketches of the incident. I, personally, have not gazed upon them nor will I choose to do so… I must put such horrific images as far from my mind as possible!

  From: http://www.mao_zedong.ch/blog/

  Subject: You Will Read This Blog, Repeatedly (As Written by Chairman Mao)

  You have come here to my weblog because it has been required of you.

  First, if you have not purchased the “Little Red Book” filled with helpful quotations from a variety of my speeches, you must do so now.

  Click on the image of my book to the left and order it now. It is required that each citizen own my book and thus there should be no delay in your clicking of the image to the left here on my official site and purchasing the book so you may carry it with you wherever you go and that which you will show to others who do not yet have it so you may influence them to purchase my book as well. Once again, this is required of all citizens by law, and thus, you must buy it.

  Wonderful news!! My book, Quotations from Chairman Mao Zedong is currently the #1 bestseller in China! Some are saying that the book, which some refer to as the “Little Red Book,” has surpassed the Bible in sales and that it appears as if each and every citizen has one in their home. This is wonderful news, and a total surprise, and I can’t thank enough each and every citizen who has decided, on their own, to pick up this book!

  Now that we have finished with the above business, which I remind you is your duty to purchase, I would like to direct your attention to a variety of additional writings not included in the above book (but which will be included in More Quotations from Chairman Mao Zedong, and a potential follow-up book entitled Even More Quotations from Chairman Mao Zedong)… You will want to click on these articles because I am asking you to and if at some point in the near future you are questioned on the words within these writings and you cannot answer such questions, well, these will be dark times for both you… and you.

  Why I Like Swimming, Pt 1

  Why I Like Swimming, Pt 2

  Building a Pool Near the Forbidden City, Pt 1

  A Pool Is Born!

  Class Struggle, and Swimming

  Why We’d Rather Not Fight a War, and Swim Instead

  It would be wise for all who read this page (which should include every citizen of our country) to send a message here and include text that praises the words that I have provided above, as well as the book that some are saying “is sweeping the nation of China”!

  A #1 bestseller! I am beside myself with glee.

  From: http://www.evabraun.com/blog/

  Subject: An Exciting Time!

  You will not believe what happened to me this week…

  So I’m working for Heinrich Hoffmann—he’s that photographer I told you about here who takes photographs of the Nazi Party… Well, I went out to assist him the other night and something amazing happened…

  I met the most wonderful, gentlemanly, intriguing man ever—such a mysterious fellow who goes by the nickname “Herr Wolff”! He comes across as a total gentleman, although some may say he looks a bit silly with his funny mustache and his big felt hat! But that’s what’s so refreshing compared to the evil men I’ve dated before—this “Wolff” is different! He’s not a man in wolf’s clothing, but a “Wolff” of a man! Like you’ve all said before—it’s time for Eva to find a nice gentleman this time around anyway! [email protected] said it best when he wrote that “Eva should find a man who cares about others, who wears his heart on his sleeve and who can laugh at himself!”

  Well, Franz—I believe I’ve fallen for a man just like that!

  Sure, my father and family disagree with Adolf’s (that’s his real name, isn’t it so adorable!?) political beliefs and whatnot—but really, when have someone’s political beliefs ever harmed anyone? When love is in the air, isn’t that the most important thing between a man and a woman? Isn’t that all that one should take into consideration?

  [email protected] wrote me a note that said, “Eva—when you find that gentle, supportive, loving gentleman that you are looking for to complete your life, you will know it! Do not listen to anyone else around you—they don’t have your best interests at heart! If you feel it. If it makes you feel happy… Then it is what you should pursue!”

  I did something silly, too. After meeting him and finding myself enamored with him and his silly little outfit, I slipped him a love letter into his pocket! I know!!! So crazy! But I felt that we were meant for each other from that simple meeting and could not let him disappear forever without at least letting him know my true feelings!

  I can just tell—this is going to so work out and my family will get to really know him and realize how great of a person I feel that he is… They’ll finally realize that my instinct in picking someone (this time) is good. That I’ve gotten better at really seeking out the kind, thoughtful, harmless partner that will share a long life with me. forever!

  God, I’m so giddy about the future right now I can’t even stand it!

  From: http://www.ferdinand_marcos.ph/blog/

  Subject: Problems Other than Martial Law

  I understand some are not pleased that on September 21 I declared martial law here in the Philippines, as supported by Proclamation No. 1081. But understand that such decision was motivated by the current violent activities by the New People’s Army ( their website is here). I promise to try and make this drastic change in governmental policy as seamless as possible.

  Under these new guidelines, I will be introducing my vision of “Bagong Lipunan” or, a new society—a new direction in which all people (no matter their class, background or wealth) will work together toward the common goal of achieving the liberation of the Filipino people. The first step, of course, will involve a redistribution of wealth, so to speak… Families with great wealth will have their property given to those with less. Those with privately held land will find that some will be given elsewhere. It is important that those who stockpile their wealth or spend inordinate amounts of money on useless items and/or worthless material goods should not flaunt such financial status and waste such wealth while others are starving or necessitating more.

  This is, of course, the focus of Bagong Lipunan.

  In other news, I must direct you to Imelda’s Shoe Fantasy—a new site she’s just created which includes over 3,000 pictures of her extremely large collection of shoes and lingerie. You’ll especially want to peruse her unique pieces in the collection—from her pair of plastic disco sandals whose heels flash while one dances (which cost $2,500) to her bulletproof bra (valued at over $10,000)!! Imelda is quite adept at providing commentary on each pair of shoes and each brassiere—from where she bought them to how much they cost, to how many times she has worn them (usually fewer than two times, can you believe it!?) and why each pair means so much to her. It’s a wonderful site with a great message—that fashion really can make you happy!

  Once again, we will get through this period of civil and violent unrest—this martial law will play its part, fix the problem, and return the Philippines to a place where all citizens will be able to afford a comfortable lifestyle and where those who take advantage of their wealth will be treated to a reality they will soon not forget!

  Bagong Lipunan!

  From: http://www.spiritofsaintlouis.com/lindbergh/

  Subject: Blogging the Transatlantic Flight

  Pre-flight, Roosevelt Airfield, NYC: Press. Family. Friends. Levity and exciteme
nt all around. This is going to be such a wonderful opportunity—being the very first person to fly solo from New York to Paris. I’m a little nervous, but we’ve double-checked everything. Departure is minutes away. Shared a quiet moment with the plane’s designer, Donald Hall.

  Hour 1 & 2: The great going-away celebration at Roosevelt Field still has me smiling. Wow. Just an amazing opportunity. Reflecting some more on the departure. On the flawless takeoff. Should probably go over my flight plan and check over the instrument panel.

  Hour 3: Checking over the instrument panel some more. Everything looks okay. Spending more time thinking about departure in NYC. That was a great moment. All those people. It’s a little quiet being alone up here. No one to talk to. I had some great conversations while in NYC on the airstrip. Talked to some of the technicians from Ryan Airlines—the company that built the plane. That was fun.

  Hour 4: Sooooooooooooo, yeah. Umm… Did I mention that when we took off from Roosevelt Field it was a pretty flawless takeoff? Yeah. That was great. Yeah.

  Hour 5: It’s been the fifth hour for what seems like ten hours. I have about twenty-eight more hours to go until we reach, er, until “I” reach Paris. I should have brought a book. Although, if I think back to when I took off from Roosevelt Field, maybe I can replay it in my mind like I’m watching a movie. Maybe that would keep me busy or entertain me and make the time fly? Maybe not. That’s just stupid. Concentrating on the flight. That’s the most important thing.

  Hour 6: And then Donald Hall says, “It’s been such a pleasure working with you, Charles.” And then I say, “Thanks, Donald.” And then he says, “I wish you the best of luck, and my thoughts are with you.” And then I say, “Yes, but what about the Russians!?” And he looks at me with this look of horror and says, “The Russians? Have they found us out!?” And then there’s this big explosion and we go running for cover.

  Hour 12: I thought I saw a Model T up here with me after Donald Hall and I battled and successfully escaped from the Russians who were intent on stealing my plane for questionable and treasonous activities. I tried to follow the Model T, which brought me off course, which I’ve now rectified. Twenty-one more hours to go.

  Hour 15: I can see the Eiffel Tower. I swear to God I can see the Eiffel Tower. Yes, I know it’s far away and yes. I know it shouldn’t be possible, but I am telling you I can see the Eiffel Tower. I mean, sure I have great eyesight—I’m always able to see that line on the very bottom of the eye chart… it’s E, E, E, E, a backwards E, and a few more Es. No, there’s the Eiffel Tower! I must be closer than I thought. I must be. I swear. I’ll be right back.

  Hour 17: Back! I’m feeling refreshed and fully in control. There was a moment there where I think I was getting a little bit stir-crazy from being alone for so long on my own In this can. I’ve checked my progress, and I am glad to say that the Spirit of St. Louis is now just over halfway through this amazing journey. Donald took over flying for a while and he’s still flying right now. He’s an amazing pilot and a truly great friend. Oh wait, he’s saying something.

  Hour 20: Charles has asked me to impart my design wisdom to those reading these entries. I am both honored and extremely pleased to be assisting Mr. Lindbergh in such a way. Charles and I go way back if you must know, our histories intertwining like a wall of ivy gripping the sides of a tall, brick two-story home. I would fancy a cup of tea at the moment but I’m afraid such a thing isn’t possible.

  Hour 21: No more… No more writing…

  Hour 22: Hahahahahahahaha.

  Hour 23: ad;ljkdafp82-fadkh;d. a;dfkjlds;LHJD ; ;ADSLKF9283(*Y&(*)7B AD;LKJHDLFKHAD.

  From: http://www.edward_r_murrow.com/blog/

  McCARTHY’S COMMUNIST WITCH HUNT

  MURROW REPORT

  HYDROGEN BOMB

  TESTED…

  LOCALS REACT!

  WHERE IS BIKINI

  ATOLL ISLAND?

  DEVELOPING…

  NNN RADIO

  STATUS REPORT

  “QUEEN ELIZABETH

  WAS HERE!” SAY

  AUSTRALIAN LAW-

  MAKERS DURING

  LATEST VISIT…

  HEAR IT NOW

  SEE IT NOW

  HERB MUSCHEL’S

  P.R. NEWSWIRE…

  UK GOLD MARKET

  OPENS…

  PROBLEMS WITH

  AMERICAN MOTORS?

  BERLIN CONFERENCE

  FALLOUT!

  POLIO VACCINATION

  SHORTAGES…

  DEVELOPING…

  REPORT ON SENATOR

  JOSEPH MCCARTHY

  TRANSCRIPTS HERE…

  KNOCK OUT!

  JOEY G. SLAMS

  WILLIE TORY…

  CANADA OPENS

  FIRST SUBWAY!

  60 DAYS WITH

  DIMAGGIO AND

  MONROE…

  MONROE CRIES!

  MCCARTHY LIES

  TO U.S. PUBLIC

  AN END TO

  THE RED SCARE

  Send News Tips to Murrow

  (Anonymity Guaranteed)

  SUBMIT HERE

  From: http://www.charliechapli.com/blog/

  Subject: Modern Films, Modern Times

  There is a certain beauty to silence.

  Peaceful. Quiet. Reflective. Two people, enveloped in such, will often find that their unspoken expressions speak louder than any words they could possibly muster. Silence, in my opinion, is the loudest joy I have ever not heard.

  Modern Times arrives in movie houses this week—and it is the first film in which I utter a spoken phrase. Mind you, this is a silent film. There are, yes, mechanized sounds that pipe through speakers during the film, but the actors (myself, Paulette Goddard, Henry Bergman, Stanley Sandford and Chester Conklin) never say a word. At the very end of the film, which you will have to sit through to see, I utter gibberish that can be heard on the limited audio track — but contrary to popular belief this is not symbolic of Charlie Chaplin starting to make “talkies.”

  The talkies are nothing but a passing fad. I’m well aware of the awards and honors being given to films that have jumped on the wagon of sound… But for “The Tramp” this is not the world for him. He communicates through actions. Through expressions. Through body movement. When “The Tramp” embraces sound, and begins to talk, well—there is nothing left of the Tramp that the public has loved. If the Tramp were to speak, he would have no reason to move. And without movement, there is no comedy.

  So, yes — I will continue to make silent films as long as I can, and I believe that if I can continue to make films that I am proud of, that so too will the public embrace such movies and abandon these loud, technological monsters that are the current flavor of the month.

  If you would like to be kept updated as to my next film, as well as finding information about Modern Times, please join the Official Chaplin online club and you’ll get a special gift sent to you at home (a replica shoe from The Gold Rush that is actually edible!).

  And go see Modern Times so I can continue making films starring your favorite character, “The Tramp” ( Official Tramp Page).

  From: http://www.joanofarc-site.org/blog/

  Subject: Holy Words

  In God’s name, this holy place has been constructed—where God’s words can flow through me. This is His plan and I am but merely a vessel for His blessed goals.

  On His behalf, Saint Michael the Archangel appeared to me in a vision, telling me that I should communicate these holy words with the people of France in such a place which was denoted as www.joanofarc.fr. It seems, unfortunately, that Saint Michael had been unaware that one had already secured such a name. Saint Catherine and Saint Margaret came to me in a vision soon thereafter, suggesting that since www.joanofarc.fr was already taken, that www.joanofarc-site.fr would be more than acceptable to the Lord. Unfortunately, as God is my witness, one had already acquired www.joanofarc-site.fr and so I once again contacted Saint Michael the Archangel, who suggested www.thejoanofarcultim
atesite.fr, which was also taken. In the end, the Lord provides—and as you are here you have seen that www.joanofarc-site.org was available to me.

  And so, in God’s name, I acted. Seek, and ye shall find. Read, and thou shall understand. Act, and God will act. I act with His words as my defense.

  God has commanded me to drive the English out of France. This is my mission and I must communicate as such to the Dauphin. This is, as it seems, a complicated request for a woman such as myself with only sixteen years behind her… Even more complicated, as I must find an escort who will take me to his court at Chinon. This is something that seems, at first, to be an unreasonable thing to ask of me. But if I am sent by God, the King of Heaven… to ensure that such events are carried out—there is no denying the Almighty.

  If you are a soldier or an individual who shares my dedication to the Lord and who would accept the mission of accompanying me through Burgundian-controlled territory to the Dauphin’s court in Chinon—please contact me through a vision, or if e-mail is easier: [email protected].

  I am not afraid, nor should you be. The lot of us have been chosen by God to drive the English out of France. By joining me on this journey you will be fulfilling the plans of the Almighty—who hath predicted the events which I shall be involved with.

  From: http://rockhudson.bloggers.com/

  Subject: Pillow Talk

  Pillow Talk is now in theaters everywhere!!

  It’s my first picture with Doris Day, and if I can be so bold—she is one extremely sexy lady! I mean, you can’t look at that golden blond hair and that perfect smile and those long, long legs (watch out, fellas!) and tell me that she isn’t one of the most beautiful actresses you’ve ever seen! God knows, I forgot some of my lines because I just couldn’t stop looking at this adorable woman!

  If you don’t know, Pillow Talk is a really great romantic comedy which tells the story of a man (me) and a woman (Doris) who find that they hate each other after having to share a telephone line — but as you can imagine, we eventually fall in love! (Thank God, I’d hate to do a movie where I didn’t end up getting the girl!)